As I approach my 60th birthday, I'm reminded of something that probably needs to be done again. Here is something I wrote almost ten years ago. Let me know what you think:
I finally did it! My good physician gave me this gift on my fiftieth birthday—over three years ago—and I finally used it.
Now what you need to know about me is that I am a terrible patient—just ask my wife, Nanci. She’s a nurse and has seen really sick people over the years. I just can’t stand medical care. I’m a big baby. When I go to the dentist, I always ask for the nitrous oxide, the laughing gas—to get my teeth X-rayed—and I’m not joking here! The phlebotomists always have a problem finding a vein when it’s time to draw my blood. I don’t know what those two blood pressure numbers mean, but when I walk into a doctor’s office, mine must be 1,343 over 2!
But I finally did it. It started the day before. I could only have clear liquids all day. I tried telling my wife vodka was a clear liquid but she reminded me that I was a Baptist minister! Well I enjoyed my apple juice, broth, and water all day. And what a treat! I had a popsicle too! Then the real fun started as I took my specially prepared “cocktail” to make me ready to receive my gift. Everyone told me that this was the worst part. It wasn’t too bad though. I knew the worst part was yet to come as I pictured this procedure in my mind (and other places too). So I remained close to my bathroom and experienced sights and sounds that you do not want me to go into on this page.
Somehow, I don’t know how, I was able to sleep through the night and start the whole procedure all over again at 6:00 the next morning before going to the “gift shop!” As I enjoyed my breakfast of ginger ale and some brew from the cauldron of a real sadist, I thought to myself, “How much more can I give?” Sure enough—there was more! I told my wife, for once in my life I can truly say, “I am not full of it!” (Or something like that!)
Well, then we began our ride to the “gift shop” in West Bridgewater. I said my “good-byes” to the kids, the dog, and we headed out. They told me they’d put me out once we got there. How I wished they would have put me out in my driveway, but my health plan did not cover that.
We got to the “gift shop” and I was asked if I was allergic to anything. I said, “Yes, I believe I’m allergic to this place.” They did not believe me and still escorted me to the back room. And guess what? There were more gifts in store! They gave me this beautiful plastic bag where I could store my clothes—and I mean all my clothes! Not only that, I received a pair of cozy socks (which I put in my pocket later for a souvenir) and a beautiful outfit that made the Olympic Women’s Beach Volleyball uniforms look like something the women wear at the Plimouth Plantation.
Well I donned my new outfit and headed to a bed. As I lied down, a warm blanket was given to me as well. Then the fun began. After about a thousand sticks, they finally found a vein (the nurses were very kind and competent—I’m sure it was all my fault). The next thing I know, a syringe with happy juice is put in my IV.
I wondered how long it would take. I opened my eyes and saw Nanci standing by my bed and I said, “When are they going to start?” She said, “Roger, they’re done!”
I finally did it. I’m glad I did. My mother-in-law died of colon cancer. I have friends who are dying of colon cancer now. This past summer, former White House press secretary, Tony Snow died of colon cancer. According to the American Cancer Society if colon cancer is diagnosed early a complete cure is more likely.
I had my colonoscopy—finally—it was no big deal. I’m glad I finally did it. You should do it too if you’re over 50—or earlier if you have a family history of colon cancer. Plus, you get a cool pair of sock slippers!
I finally did it! My good physician gave me this gift on my fiftieth birthday—over three years ago—and I finally used it.
Now what you need to know about me is that I am a terrible patient—just ask my wife, Nanci. She’s a nurse and has seen really sick people over the years. I just can’t stand medical care. I’m a big baby. When I go to the dentist, I always ask for the nitrous oxide, the laughing gas—to get my teeth X-rayed—and I’m not joking here! The phlebotomists always have a problem finding a vein when it’s time to draw my blood. I don’t know what those two blood pressure numbers mean, but when I walk into a doctor’s office, mine must be 1,343 over 2!
But I finally did it. It started the day before. I could only have clear liquids all day. I tried telling my wife vodka was a clear liquid but she reminded me that I was a Baptist minister! Well I enjoyed my apple juice, broth, and water all day. And what a treat! I had a popsicle too! Then the real fun started as I took my specially prepared “cocktail” to make me ready to receive my gift. Everyone told me that this was the worst part. It wasn’t too bad though. I knew the worst part was yet to come as I pictured this procedure in my mind (and other places too). So I remained close to my bathroom and experienced sights and sounds that you do not want me to go into on this page.
Somehow, I don’t know how, I was able to sleep through the night and start the whole procedure all over again at 6:00 the next morning before going to the “gift shop!” As I enjoyed my breakfast of ginger ale and some brew from the cauldron of a real sadist, I thought to myself, “How much more can I give?” Sure enough—there was more! I told my wife, for once in my life I can truly say, “I am not full of it!” (Or something like that!)
Well, then we began our ride to the “gift shop” in West Bridgewater. I said my “good-byes” to the kids, the dog, and we headed out. They told me they’d put me out once we got there. How I wished they would have put me out in my driveway, but my health plan did not cover that.
We got to the “gift shop” and I was asked if I was allergic to anything. I said, “Yes, I believe I’m allergic to this place.” They did not believe me and still escorted me to the back room. And guess what? There were more gifts in store! They gave me this beautiful plastic bag where I could store my clothes—and I mean all my clothes! Not only that, I received a pair of cozy socks (which I put in my pocket later for a souvenir) and a beautiful outfit that made the Olympic Women’s Beach Volleyball uniforms look like something the women wear at the Plimouth Plantation.
Well I donned my new outfit and headed to a bed. As I lied down, a warm blanket was given to me as well. Then the fun began. After about a thousand sticks, they finally found a vein (the nurses were very kind and competent—I’m sure it was all my fault). The next thing I know, a syringe with happy juice is put in my IV.
I wondered how long it would take. I opened my eyes and saw Nanci standing by my bed and I said, “When are they going to start?” She said, “Roger, they’re done!”
I finally did it. I’m glad I did. My mother-in-law died of colon cancer. I have friends who are dying of colon cancer now. This past summer, former White House press secretary, Tony Snow died of colon cancer. According to the American Cancer Society if colon cancer is diagnosed early a complete cure is more likely.
I had my colonoscopy—finally—it was no big deal. I’m glad I finally did it. You should do it too if you’re over 50—or earlier if you have a family history of colon cancer. Plus, you get a cool pair of sock slippers!
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